Ramblings and rants about the amusing, stupid things that happen to me in and around Cincinnati.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Family Night at the Gay Bar

This night is why I wanted to start documenting my shenanigans.

Friday night, my two brothers (Paul & Doug), sister-in-law (Dorothy), son (Nick) & girlfriend (Sara), daughter (Candice) & husband (Jim aka Racing Legend Johnny Jackson-Stone) went to the Gay Bar for retro 80s night. We've been there before and it's always a good time. The DJ kicks ass with music from Depeche Mode, The Smiths, Human League...

After much beer and some dancing, things started getting crazy. The dance floor is a raised platform with flashing lights. In order to get to the restroom, you have to walk in front of the dance floor and squeeze past all the spectators.

Candice runs over to me in a panic and tells me that Nick is about to get into a fight on the dance floor. She doesn't know how to stop it. Doug comes back from the restroom and says his glasses were flung off his face by flamer dancing with his arms swinging wildly. He's very pissed off and I'm afraid he'll want to leave, so I go buy him and his wife another beer to try to keep them there.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. I spent the night at Doug & Dorothy's. She asks him how he got over the glasses instance in such a hurry. He said, "Well, I thought about it for a moment and realized this a great story! Family night at the gay bar for retro 80s." He proceeds to tell the story. While trying to walk to the restroom, a flamer dancing wildly and flinging his arms knocks Doug's glasses off. He imagines them flying and twisting in slow motion like the scene from "Christmas Story." People standing near him asked what he lost. Everytime he answered his glasses, the replies were, "That sucks." Then the drunks started turning on their cell phones and tried to use the little lights to search on the floor. One guy staggers over to him and says, "Here man, try this one" and hands Doug his cell phone, turns around and walks away. Finally, after borrowing a flashlight (the beam lasted two seconds) from the bar and returning the stranger's cell phone, he gave up.

Back to Saturday morning. I ask Doug where he got the glasses he was wearing. Now you have to rewind about 15 years ago. He was at a club with his first wife watching a fairly well-known band when the audience was invited on the stage to dance. They saw a pair of glasses laying on a stool next to the lead guitarist. They danced over and stole them! Karma will always get you.

I get home and Candice calls and said they found Doug's glasses after we left. They were in two pieces in the middle of the dance floor. Nick calls and I tell him the glasses were found. He replies he didn't know anything about that because it probably happened when he was in the shoving match with the guy on the dance floor. I asked him why they were fighting and he said the guy got up on stage and started pushing people around. Nick grabbed him and threw the guy off the stage. The dude comes over and grabs Nick's shirt and says, "Hey man, you're not the only one here." Nick replied, "You too, man, now take your f*ckin' hands off my shirt."

Sunday afternoon, Doug comes over to my house. I told him about Nick's fight and he started cracking up. While Doug was bent over with his back to the stage using a cell phone to look for his glasses, this guy lands on his back after being thrown off the stage! He straightened his back forcefully and flung the guy back up on the stage.

Just another family night out.


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