Ramblings and rants about the amusing, stupid things that happen to me in and around Cincinnati.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Got To Pack Again

I've been home for four days now from New Orleans and have to get ready for another trip.

Clothes in the dryer...check. Cats on the bed...check. Vials in the suitcase...check.

Let me explain that last little brain fart I had last night. It is a pain in the ass trying to get 20 some people, six different families to go to Hueston Woods to sprinkle Mom's ashes! Why not take them to the slumber party (along with my vials) and start spreading them everywhere?

Paul and Dad are very open to the idea. Haven't bounced it off my other two brothers yet...so surprise! Dan and Doug, you'll be hearing from me tomorrow.

Then, how about this idea kids? I open up this blog and everytime you sprinkle something, you report it? Where, how was the weather, the date. We can keep Mama's journal with us.

I wan't to sprinkle her everywhere. Like Graeter's. I always said her tombstone would say, "She never got beyond the caramel."

I love you guys and can't wait to see you tomorrow!

Where Is Ian Turner?

I understand nobody, other than myself, reads this dreck. But, if you happen to find this...Ian Turner a well-respected SEO, moderator and attendee of the WebmasterWorld Conference last week in New Orleans, hasn't been seen since Saturday.

I've never met Ian, and don't recognize him by his photo, but I was at that conference. Seems like I would have met him outside with the other smokers.

Anyway, if you have any information, let me know. His wife Ali is going crazy trying to figure out what happened to him. Apparently, he never got on his flight to Atlanta. I know from talking to folks in the airport bar Sunday that flights to Atlanta had been delayed for hours because of storms. For more details go to Nick W's site at Threadwatch.

Ali, I hope everything is well. Must be a horrible time for you.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

So Tired After New Orleans And Going Back To Work!

I haven't had much sleep this week. Got home from New Orleans Sunday night about 11:00 p.m. Walked into the house and the freakin' air conditioner was toast. Needless to say, I got no sleep that night...maybe 1.5 hours, at best?

Died at work Monday. The heat and humidity here are unbearable! Actually, as bad or worse than New Orleans. No shit. I'm serious!

The air was fixed and got some sleep Monday night, but not enough.

Tuesday, our first baby alpaca was born. What a thrill. I saw her first steps as she waddled around an hour later. Two hours later she was running throughout the pasture. What a sweet, little, fancy girl.

Today, I felt a little better and finally turned on the air at work. Hung out with Jack and Jenny at Rafferty's then went to their house and ordered Donato's Pizza (yup, where Candice works). I got to tell them my New Orleans tales and pictures.

Still haven't had time to write more about my trip. It will happen eventually (and perhaps some photos) but not now.

One last note, we have a family slumber party happening in Columbus this weekend. A warm up for Gatlinburg! I love my crazy family and can't wait.


Monday, June 27, 2005

Thank You New Orleans!

Where do I begin? Not enough time to write, but I spent three hours tonight making notes. I'm going to start with a summary and thank all of the great people I met...locals and others I've known for years.

I went down to New Orleans for the WebmasterWorld Conference; my fifth one. The conference was only three and a half days, but I went for eight and a half days. This is my summary and more will follow.

First of all the locals I met early on before the conference:

Lisa: You are a goddess. Good for you retiring at 40 and having a whopping good time "slinging beer." You are great! I am so grateful that I found your place on my first night in New Orleans. Something just made me walk into that place and I felt so welcome. Remember, you were supposed to be working Sunday, which is why I came back, but you weren't there.

Beth: Holy shit! What can I say about you? You are the most personable, beautiful, funny, great young gal I've ever met (besides my Candice!) Yeah, you know how to work the customers! Keep that "Magnificent Rack", hair, eyes, personality...working for you!) Girl, you cracked me up!

Lisa & Beth: I hope you actually make the road trip up here in the fall. I'll introduce you to my favorite Cincinnati bartenders, Roxy and Bev. Too bad they don't work together like you two. You chics made my fucking week...thank you!

K.C.: First thought was, you were very strange, but after I got to know you over the week, I enjoyed being around you. Glad you're getting rid of that "Rose Lady" job. Good luck with the tourist station. Yup, you made me laugh and thanks for running across the street to get me a camera.

Peter: I remember Beth whispering in a question mark, "Peter?" Your girlfriend had broken up with you and you lost the battery to your cell phone and came in to the bar to call work and say you weren't coming in for two nights. I witnessed you on the phone. Too bad you got suspended for a week and I never got the Hustler Club tour. I had an amazing night with you (after Beth assured me you were harmless) playing ping pong and drinking until 5:30 a.m. But, dude, you seriously suck at ping pong!

Insurance Dude from New York: Met you on Saturday night (my last night.) Remember Beth's little show? Hee hee.

Jack at the Irish pub: I had to check out of my hotel at 11:00 a.m. and walked around Jackson Square, the river and the French Quarter for hours. Suddenly, I was very tired and hot and wanted a Bloody Mary. I saw your sign, "The Best Bloody Marys in the French Quarter." That was one of only a few Bloody Mary's I've had in my life, but, it was fabulous. You are a very intelligent and funny guy. I had fun that time I spent bullshitting with you.

Now for my Webmaster buddies:

Bobbie: You were the first I met from the conference. And, to be honest, you were the last person I wanted to meet. But, you gave me some great info. Thank you. Now I have to find the time to put those ideas to work.

Scott: The best tip I got all week was from you, although second hand from Bill. Why did I only see you one night? Did you leave early? I love you man. I'm glad we're still link friends, even though our bosses don't like it.

Ross: Thanks for the little walk through the slum to the Walgreen's late Saturday night. You rock buddy...you are one of my oldest friends in this community. And, I want that care package.

Jim: Yeah, good seeing you again. I won't forget.

Brett: Great show. You really outdid yourself this time and I picked up a few great useful nuggets!

Todd and Roger: It was great bragging about getting out of the alleged "sandbox" on competitive terms and you guys quizzed me about how many links, how long... I really respect you two. You are the greatest in this industry!

Callum and a different Roger: Thanks for walking with me down that scary place Canal Street in search of the places we were supposed to be on Bourbon Street. It was very nice chatting with you. Roger, yeah, it was a long and hot walk, but you survived. Callum, that was the first time I officially met you, but I've known about you for a long time. It was very sweet the way you would take the outside of the sidewalk so I wouldn't get hit by a car.

Tara & Mimi: Didn't get to spend too much time with you at the WebmasterRadio thingy, but Tara, thanks for coming up and bullshitting with me Pat O'Brian's.

I'm sure there are other people I have forgotten, but I'll catch up in the details.

Oh, yeah, thanks to the cabbie that I hired twice. The first time after he saved my life.

That's it for now. Have to finish the laundry and get some sleep.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Fucktard = Ringo Starr

Got my ever-so-important playlists printed out.

Got all the crap off my bed (so I can sleep) and threw all of my shorts in a pile. New Orleans here I come!

Watched David Letterman, and that idiot, Ringo Starr came on. Started off innocently enough, he was playing guitar and singing. He had a couple of backup vocalists singing the harmonies. But then he went behind a 2nd drum kit and pretended he was still in the Beetles.

Give it up dude! Your song sucked, your voice sucked, and you just suck!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Found The Ink For My Printer

But, where in the hell is the file with my business card??? Where's the card stock???

Whatever, I managed to print off about 30 pages of my most-beloved playlists after I found my ink! My home computer can still recognize my poor, sad iPod, while my work computer doesn't.

I don't feel so bad now about sending the old freakin' iPod back to Apple. I was able to get my most precious play lists...like Mom's memorial service, class reunion 70's crap and my "Current Favorites." Hell, I have most of the crap on my two computers. At least I know what I have to restore. Plus, the only stupid songs I deleted out of "purchased music" on iTunes, Rick has the CDs.

Yah, I can reconstruct the madness.

On a sadder note, I have pulled all the clothes out of my closet onto my bed. Where am I going to sleep tonight?

I guess I'll crawl up into a little ball and make it work somehow. Can't deal with this crap right now...Goodnight, and I'll see you in New Orleans in less than 36 hours.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Perhaps I Was Wrong

I sent Doug the links to the disastrous night Indiana & Ohio Railroad had asking if his firm represented them.

His response was, "Yikes, I hope we represent them, cha-ching."

My iPod seems to be behaving now. Haven't been able to back up all the files...yet. But, I don't feel so bad about sending it off, because apparently, I backed them up not so long ago. Plus, I have all of my recently purchased iTunes still on my other computer. I just need to hook this thing up to a printer that has ink and print off my playlists. At least this computer is recognizing it now.

A good sign, eh?

That reminds me, in addition to digging out my decent clothes in the next two days, I have to print off some new business cards.

Now, what did I do with those new ink cartridges?

Must Suck To Be Indiana & Ohio Railroad

Looks like these guys had a miserable day!

First a runaway train car crashed into two cars at two different intersections. Then some dumb ass man sleeping on tracks was killed by a different train.

Doug, I hope you're not their attorney.

On a happier note, my iPod is working again after letting the battery drain. Now I just have to get these files backed up.

Monday, June 13, 2005

My iPod Is Sad

This sucks...but I think my iPod is hosed. Heard a clicking noise from the hard drive and neither of my computers can recognize it. I am so sad. I'm losing 2,000+ songs. And, if you've ever owned an iPod, you realize you have to jump through hoops to back it up!

About 3-4 years ago, somebody broke into my car and stole hundreds of CDs. Then I started downloading songs from the old days of Napster. At the time, I had a 2nd generation 6 gb. Creative Labs Nomad Jukebox. But then, I upgraded to my 40 gb. iPod. I have been so happy since then...until today. (And, I only purchase legal music from iTunes.)

The only thing to say is...shit!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Could It Be...

a big freakin' cavity? I've felt like something is stuck between two of my back teeth for a week or longer. I dragged out the trusty WaterPick trying to shoot the SOB out. I've flossed at least twice a day trying to get the offender out. A few minutes ago, I found my trusty dental mirror and took a look. HOLY SHIT, it's a big cavity. I mean big, ugly. Then, the damn mirror broke as I was trying to clean off the fog and take another peek.

My dilemma, I'm leaving for New Orleans in seven days...bet I can't get a dentist appointment before then.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Three New Obsessions!

1. The Treillage community off of Hamilton-Mason Road.

2. Watching that weird guy, Dave, eat.

3. Fried Pickles.

Number one: that place is so fucking weird! It's scary at night. I envision it as a place Charles Manson would come in and kill a bunch of rich people. Look at this home, check out the furniture. Crazy weird. But I so want to live there...if I could afford a $650,000 house. Yeah, right, only if we get Dan and Doug to finance it. BTW, just looked at the listing again and last night it $655,000, now it's only $649,000.

Number two: Dave; he has the stupidest hair and beard I've ever seen. But I'm obsessed by watching him eat. It is so disgusting. He always picks up a roll, looks at it, puts it back and gets a new one. Then he slices it longways and slathers it with butter.

Number three: Brad sat next to me and had a special order of fried pickles made up. Now, I despise pickles, but I tried them and have to say, there is something very compelling about them. Yah, I liked them!

As Brad said, "There is always something good about a woman who will try new things."

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Missing Mom Again Tonight

Don't know what triggered it. Things have been easier the last few weeks, but something set me off again. I LOVE YOU MOM, and I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

Oh, yeah, you would love to see your crackhead neighbors with their (extended) hot tub...It looks like a Chinese Palace! Shees, they put a big freakin' roof on it. Plus, they added to their deck...I bet you're laughing your ass off over this!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

BTW, My Cincinnati Reds Won Tonight!

Thank you Randy Keisler, the best pitcher we've seen forever.

Good job, a homer, a double and many strike outs. You are what we need in Cincinnati.

Let's get over this Danny Graves and Reds failure and try to get back on track.

I love you Cincinnati Reds...Also, Jr. got a three run homer. He's 19th on the all time list of home run hitters. Yeah, Ken Griffey, Jr. It makes a difference having you healthy and not on the disabled list.

I'll Admit It, I'm A Cincinnati Reds Fan!

How in the hell did this happen? I've always described myself as a "fair-weather fan." I normally only care about Cincinnati sports when either the Reds or Bengals are doing well. Let's face it folks, they have both sucked for a long, long time.

Now the Cincinnati Reds are completely blowing this season, but I find myself listening to them on the radio (while driving around for way longer than necessary) and then coming home and watching the Reds on TV!


I have no idea, but I am completely committed to "MY" Cincinnati Reds. Is it because I've actually been to several games in this young season? Huh? Why do a give a rat's ass about the Cincy Reds?

BTW, Steve Stewart on 700 WLW SUCKS! We need the "Old Left-Hander" Joe Nuxhall, back on the airwaves. Long live "The Old Left-Hander!"

Monday, June 06, 2005

This Weekend...Pretty Much Sucked

Geez, I was so worn out from my birthday week. Slept most of the day Saturday and trimmed bushes and weeds Sunday in the, all-of-a-sudden Ohio summer. Where in the hell does spring go around here?

Lately, we get maybe a week of spring around here. That means it's rainy and the temperature fluctuates between 50 and 80. Sends the sinuses into overdrive and miserable headaches.

Last Thursday, my birthday, I had to stop at Wal-Mart for allergy medicine because I forgot to take anything. Then I saw a sign about free shit (not literally shit) in the pharmacy...I had to sign up for a prescription thingy, but they will give me 99 FREE refills of generic Claritin until October. Hey, I'm game.

That's about all for tonight. I got the Video Poker Tutorial up tonight that's been sitting in my inbox for a day or two. Hey, I did yard work yesterday. Give me a break Will!

This is really hard trying to work two jobs at once. One day, this crap will pay off (hopefully).

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Didn't Do Much Today

After staying up all night, I pretty much slept all day. I really needed it. The past week was too much.

I had an amazing dream...very weird dream. (A David Lynch-like dream.) And, for the first time I can remember, I was able to pull it back two or three times. That is part of the reason I refused to get out of bed.

I realized from this strange dream that either I'm on too many medications or I am very creative. Now, if I could channel that creativity, perhaps, I could make some serious money?

RIP Corey Rudl

What a shame. One of the best known Internet Marketing Strategists, perhaps the pioneer who taught every one how to write effective web sites, was killed in a racing car accident.

Kudos to you Corey and condolences to your family.

Watching Paul Play Texas Hold'Em

Paul (er, Will) and I have been working on our site all night. Got a lot of unnecessary crap done. Ya know, should the titles be centered or left justified? What font size...12 or 14 pt? Can we make this little blackjack chart color coded?

Well, we did all of that tonight and now I am trying to learn more about Texas Hold'Em. I can't get the betting stuff figured out in my head. Check, call, raise, fold...the flop, the turn and river...Too much shit for my feeble little mind to handle!

Enough about gambling.

More good karma tonight. Went to Rafferty's and ran into Bo. Haven't seen him in 4-5 months. Just as I'm ready to leave, "The D's" came in. I've only talked to them once or twice, but Donna is such an animated character. She's suffered through breast cancer and is doing well. In 51 weeks from tonight, we are meeting there to celebrate our 50th birthdays together! Oh, yeah, she's 10 days older than me.

Bev, said, "What are we celebrating next year 100 years?" Nope, only 99, it's in the middle of our birthdays and Donna's 10 days older than me!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Work Was Not Fun Today

Today was my birthday, and work sucked!

Anyway, the night got better as my daughter showed up at O'Chuck's with a pile of Chinese food. Shared the eggroll with Roxy. There were a lot of regulars there buying me beer (and shots) and I made it home without landing at the local police station. Also, Kat and I made amends...turns out it was just a stupid misunderstanding.

I love you Kat, and Roxy, Jim, Carol, Mike, Frank, Brad, Alicia, Roby, Sara, Bob, Melana, Dave and everyone else who helped celebrate my birthday. Thanks guys!

I feel so much better now.

On the way home, I listened to the same song three times; Get Out Of My Head by Firewater. I've written about this on my long-suffering site, but it just seemed to make me feel better tonight. Here's the lyrics:

Maybe I could be a billionaire
If I wasn't always broke
And I could be a comedian
If I wasn't such a joke
Guess I knew it all along
Being born's where I went wrong
I always took the medication I was fed
Get out of my head
Get out of my head

I could train to be an astronaut
If I weren't afraid of heights
And you know I could be a supermodel
If you turned out all the lights
But all my days are painted grey
And I got nothing much left to say
My ambition is lying underneath the bed
Get out of my head
Get out of my head

Hey all you prestidigitators
Why don't you disappear for good
'Cause Hitler could have been a mediocre painter
Instead of a supercrook
Instead of a supercrook

Maybe I could have a great career
If I could just hold down a job
Or maybe I could be a social butterfly
If I wasn't such a slob
I always wreck everything I got
On every bullet I ever shot
Missed the target 'til I finally hit the red
Get out of my head
Get out of my head...

In closing kids, I just want to "finally hit the red." Oh, yeah, GET OUT OF MY HEAD, already!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Happy Birthday To Me, Happy...

Whatever, it seems a bit drunk out tonight. My birthday is tomorrow and I kept getting free drinks tonight. My head is killing me. The allergy crap is back and I just want to die. Well, not really, but my head hurts!

Time to catch up on my reading and then get to bed. I must feel better tomorrow.

I swear, I will go to bed at a decent time tonight; I swear...