Ramblings and rants about the amusing, stupid things that happen to me in and around Cincinnati.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Trying To Find My Friends In New Orleans

This sucks. I've emailed Lisa a few times trying to find out if they are ok. Of course I haven't heard anything back.

I hope you, Beth, Peter & K.C. are alive.

As I said in my email, Lisa, which you will probably never receive, come live with me for a few months. I'm sure I can get you kids jobs up here (well, maybe not K.C.), but for the rest of you, there are all kinds of restaraunts going up around here. Maybe K.C, can sell roses here, but I doubt it.

K.C. is the one I'm most worried about.

Lisa, I know you just bought your fixer-upper, but this really sucks since I'm pretty sure it's all wiped out.

Anyway, I wish I would get an email back saying you have survived. You guys are in my prayers, even though I don't pray much, but I have been for my friends.

I love you guys and hope you are ok. Beth, I can assure you would knock all the horny guys out around here.

God, I hope you kids are alive! God speed!

W. Are You Happy You Have A Scapegoat Called Katrina?

Sure, gas prices last week were creeping close to $3.00/gallon. How convenient that a hurricane wiped out my favorite city in the U.S.?

Fuck you Republicans and especially W. You guys suck!

We need Hillary in 2008!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Nick Called And Wanted To See Roxy

I had every intention of coming home tonight because I didn't sleep at all last night. The last place I want to go on a Monday evening is O'Chuck's. Yes, I do adore Roxy, but that stupid couple that comes in on Mondays make me want to kill myself and everybody in my path. How many times do I need to hear, "Whooo Whoooo." Shut up already!

Had a good time anyway. Plus, Candice dropped in (that was a bonus). And, besides, Nick paid the bill! How often does that happen? Ummm, never.

The three of us raced to Home Depot taking different roads. Of course, Nick came in first, I managed a meager second because the damn light was red at the intersection and Candice got behind some slow car and finished last. What a trip. Driving down the highway at 80 mph, praying that the cops weren't out. My family is way too competitive. At least we didn't knock into each other like at the gokart track. But, it was a good laugh...just like Gatlinburg.

So, we picked out the bathroom furnishings. Got out of there for less than $1000. But still have to buy ceramic tile which will be the last piece of the puzzle. Not a bad deal. A new beautiful bathroom for around $1500. Have to thank my ex-husband for giving me a great deal on labor and materials. Thanks, Tracy.

P.S. Nick and Candice, I adore you two!!!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Yup, I Was Exhausted

Not going to tell ya how late I slept today. I needed it desperately. Hadn't recovered from the Gatlinburg trip and had to deal with three days and night of wedding stuff.

Anyway, I feel much better and focused now.

Dad had a woman call him for a date tonight! He's been gone for a very long time for just going to Friches. Is that what the kids are calling it now? He's ecstatic. Good for you old man!

Checked out the new Chili's in my neighborhood tonight. Got the chicken fried steak. I think it's enough food for the next two day's lunches. Plus, I didn't eat a bite of the corn on the cob...saving it. Good food, nice people. I'll return.

Now, I'm messing once again with the third iPod I've received. The only good thing that has happened so far was my computer recognized it. Still can't get the damn thing to shut off. I'm getting very sick of Apple.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Survived The Reading

Took a Xanax to get through the reading of "How do I love you..." I think I pulled it off. It was a big help having it written without all the stupid punctuation in the poem form.


I am so tired and sleepy. Been a long end of the week. Parties, rehearsal dinner and getting up early to be in Northern Kentucky.

Rachel, you looked beautiful...Kyle, you are an amazing guy (and quite handsome). You two are going to make it past the odds.

I love you guys and wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Nice Rehearsal Dinner

Thanks guys. A very nice evening.

I told Rachel after the wonderful meal, drinks and gift, I decided I didn't want to read for her wedding. HeeHee. Just kidding.

I am freaking out about this. She told me tonight that I have to walk up three steps right behind her and Kyle and say the stupid poem. Luckily, Paul rewrote it for me tonight so I can (hopefully) phrase it correctly tomorrow.

Last thought; I hope the clothes Candice, Jim and Dorothy picked out in Gatlinburg are appropriate enough. The only other choice I have is the outfit I wore to Arn and Nancy's wedding, but, nah, they are for Scott and Tiffany's wedding next month.

Last thought above was a lie, here's the real final thought: I am taking a Xanax before the ceremony!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Dan's Defaced "Anyone But Hiliary 2008" Sticker

Dan, have you discovered it yet? Nick bought electrical tape and covered the "Anyone But" part. So, now it says, "Hiliary 2008."

Here's the photo of the vandalism.

Went To The Party

Nice party Rachel. First time I ever met your mother, Cindy's family and your friends.

I think you and Kyle will be very happy. I guess I'll be spending the next two days with all you guys. (Plus, I only have to work half a day tomorrow! WoooooHoooooo.)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Let's Compare Butthead Photos-Whadda Ya Think?

The two photos were screwing up the rendering, so you can look below and see the original photo of Butthead.

Seems it's nearly impossible to put two photos on one page.

Rachel's Bachelorette Party Tomorrow

Crazy end of the week coming up...Party tomorrow, rehearsal Friday, wedding Saturday (plus, the company pool party).

Too much to deal with!

Bev Was Slammed Tonight

I tried so hard to show her my tattoo, but, hell, she couldn't find a minute. I've never seen that place so stupid.

Finally, as I was leaving, I showed it to her. Then I ran into Jeff and shared with him as well.

Man, that thing is a badge of honor to me. I want everybody to see my Butthead.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

We Were Pierced, Inked, Arrested (Almost), Skinned Up, Q-Tipped, Drunk & Hilliaryed


Where to start with the Family trip to Gatlinburg? Shees, we got into so much trouble. My family is too much fun!

Excuse me while I put my "Tattoo Goo" on my shoulder before I start writing. I guess that's a good place to start.

Got my tattoo of Butthead. It hurt soooo bad! Especially when he knifed the whiskers on. Pretty blurry photo, but the dude did an amazing job! Go back a few posts and see what the tattoo artist worked from. Amazing work. He only used an outline and did the rest free-hand. Butthead's eyes are amazing. I even got extreme approval from Collin, my nephew.

Photo editor still messed up, so I'll try to tell some of the story (without pictures).

First off, SMERIOUSLY, is the new term of the weekend!

1. Pierced...go Tara, got a couple new ones including the thingy that hurts (nah, shut up, already, in the top part of her ear).

2. Inked...Dorothy and I got tattoos. A little thing on the small of her back and a big-ass Butthead (my favorite kitty ever) on my right shoulder. I should mention the whiskers hurt like hell! (See above.)

3. Arrested (Almost)...Dumb-ass Nick couldn't handle Kara and Paul getting kicked off the one track. He had to make sure the whole family of sixteen got kicked out of the whole freakin' park! Escorted by the manager and security guard with the threat Nick was going to be arrested.

4. Skinned Up...Dan took a bad ride down the Alpine Slide and ended up in first aid. Stomach, hands, knees, legs and arms were badly messed up.

Time out here: just want to reiterate, we're all highly paid professionals who act like a bunch of idiots when we get together! PHOTOS SOON-I PROMISE. WE ARE NOT REDNECKS!

5. Q-Tipped...A beer can sitting on the table that nobody would claim. So, I decided to take a swig and realized it was at least two days old. The disgusting part happened as I poured it down the sink and a used Q-Tip came out...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

6. Drunk...Yeah we were!

7. Dan, did you find your bumper sticker yet? Instead of, "Anybody but Hilliary 2008", Nick put black tape over part of it so it says, "Hilliary 2008." Hehe, can't wait until he finally discovers it!

That's it until I can get my software working again to post photos. Plus, eventually, a big review coming at the Gokart Site.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Trying To Write, But The Photo Editor Is Puking On Me

Don't know what's going on, but I can't do anything right now. Perhaps tomorrow. I'll try to sketch out my thoughts and publish tomorrow.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I'm Back

Too tired to write. Got lots of stories and photos and will work on it tomorrow night.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Almost Outta Here

Family week in Gatlinburg. Gokart track workers, sorry, but we're coming back. Just don't be so pissy this time as we run each other into the walls and you have to pull us back. Don't be calling your boss and telling him to get these ass-wipes out of here. Go with the flow, dudes. We are having a kick-ass time. The most kick-ass time a family of 18 can have.

This is the first time, though, without Mom. Hope you're watching us from above. We'll have some kind of riot going on somewhere, either the hot tub, races, or whatever. Plus, I'm getting that tattoo this year. Love you, Mom.

Can't get to my medium size suitcase in the messy garage. Guess I'll have to pack all my shit in a couple duffel bags...if I can find them in my closet.

My ex-husband is going to watch the animals while I'm gone. We've been divorced for, ummm, 20 years? Chez, the crackhead kitty loves him. She only acts like that when she's in heat. She was all over him. And, this guy used to be allergic to cats. I think he loves her too.

Good luck animals and Tracy. God speed.

See ya next week.

Monday, August 15, 2005


According to what I've heard (and I listen to a bunch of news) Speedway are the assholes raising the gas prices.

Go to HELL Speedway! I will never buy anything from you again.

My two cents, but to you, that equals, ummm, I don't know fifty bucks!

Gas Prices SUCK!

Watching the news tonight on my kick-ass computer, and they're talking about gas prices hitting $3.00 before Labor Day.

Hey, W., Do something about this fuckin' racket!

Shit, I haven't had a raise in two years! Do I really have to pay these obnoxious rates? What about the poor kids working for your stupid sub-human wages that's been in effect forever?

W. Get with the program or do something about...you fuckin' loser! W. SUCKS!

One Last Task To Do Before Leaving!

How weird is this? Going to Gatlinburg with the family Wednesday morning and I've asked my ex to watch the animals and get costs together for all of the remodeling projects we're thinking about.

Dude, don't fuck this up! Lots of money could be coming your way. I just need you to watch the kids for five days.

Anyway, I need to give Cleo a bath. Not sure if I can handle it tonight. But, I'll try.

Sunday, August 14, 2005


Here's the photo of Butthead. Soon to be my new tattoo on my shoulder!

Isn't he a babydoll?

Love ya, sweetie!

Did Some Work Today

Cleaned out the pool. It was too overcast to lay on a raft today. So I decided to start on Jack's website. If you need some roofing, siding, windows, gutters or decks in the greater Cincinnati area, he's your guy!

Of course, there's not much info on the site yet...but it still took me five hours to get this far. Jack, now it's up to you to get that content to me!

Think I'll go watch TV now. Butthead is yelling at me to go cuddle.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

The Beer Can Chicken Rocked

Thanks Jack and Jenny for dinner. Yum, that delicious chicken, corn on the cobb and salad was awesome. Then we went fishing, finally.

What a perfect evening. Love you guys and let's make that fishing trip weekend happen in September. By the way, tell Andy I adore him.

The only bad thing was I didn't get to see the Jesus people doing their thing along Union Centre Boulevard tonight. Catch you Jesus freaks next month!

Friday, August 12, 2005

One More Thing

My boss called me today to say his prostate biopsy came out OK. Good for him. Bruce, I've been thinking about you a lot this week.

Yup, you're my boss, but I still care about you (and Marcie)!

Saw The Bradys At Rafferty's Tonight

My buddies, Mike and Carol, showed up at Rafferty's tonight. According to Mike, they walked in and he asked Carol, "Should we sit in the restaurant, or the bar?" Carol responded with, "We can sit at the bar with Rochelle."

That was cool. It's weird seeing bar buddies in a different place. Like being in New York City, or Paris, or London and you wonder if you really recognize that guy.

I'm the one that convinced "The Bradys" to buy iPods, which I am so disgruntled with right now. Yup, Apple has received many emails from me. This will be the second vacation in two months where I will not have my trusty music machine.

Right now, my opinion of Apple is, THEY SUCK!

Come on, FUCKTARDS, give me something that works, ALREADY!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

How Many Ounces Are In A Keg Of Beer?

Nick and I discussed buying a keg or two for our family trip. Researching on the web didn't find too much except this: http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/keg/keg.html. This site has lots of photos of the experiment of how many ounces are in a keg.

According to this site, one keg served up 141 Red Plastic Cups of beer. This equals to six cases or 165 cans of beer.

We usually go through, maybe, three cases of beer a night on these drunken family trips. So maybe, two kegs would be enough? It comes down to about 50% of the cost of bottles or cans. Can we fit two kegs in the Car?

See our dilemma?

Nick Loves His Job!

How cool is that? My son is actually happy. Mainly because his bosses are pumping him up with bigger ideas to come. Every boss should act like this! I've never seen my Nick so happy; hell, he even wears his steenking badges everywhere.

Seriously, bosses of the world, try giving positive feedback once in a while...it makes a difference.

Jim called me today for advice. ME? WTF? He found credentials of a government worker in the trash can at a local computer store. Fortunately, I have a friend in the same division and he is on the case. I mean, how weird is that to find three ID cards for the same person in a trash can? I hope this person is ok.

What else? I forgot to put shock in the pool two nights ago and the algae has started. Man, I'm a bonehead. Anyway, put in two gallons and will probably do another two gallons this weekend before we head to Gatlinburg for our drunken family fest.

Doug watch out, your ass is going down in the go kart race again!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

My Dad Beat Me On A Scratch!

Hey Nicky-poo, you know how that feels, right?

Bought a pool table from my ex-husband today for $50. Yup thought it would be a piece of shit, but no, looks pretty good to me. I challenged dad to a match and he beat me on my fuck-up.

We're off to Gatlinburg next Wednesday for our Third Annual Roberts family reunion. It's going to be weird without mom there. But mom, I will be spreading your ashes at the chalet, the go kart track and anywhere else they need to be!

I still love and miss you so much!

I asked dad tonight if he read that poem at their wedding that I'm going to read at Rachel and Kyle's wedding. And his response was, "No, I sang it to her."

Holy shit. I'm going to cry my eyes out, especially since it happens on what would have been your 50th wedding anniversary. Rachel and Kyle August 27, 2005; Kathy and Bill August 27, 1955.

Jeeebus, I hope I don't make an ass out of myself!

Monday, August 08, 2005

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

Finally got my poem I'm supposed to read at Rachel and Kyle's wedding. Yup, I know the first line, but I'll probably choke on the following lines!

Oh well. I'll do my best.

Still haven't shopped for a new suit. Guess I have to do it this weekend since, next Wednesday, I'm off with my crazy family to Gatlinburg. GIT 'ER DONE!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I floated around in the pool and read a WHOLE book. Haven't read an actual book in a year or so because of all the stupid magazines I subscribed to because my American Airlines frequent flyer rewards were running out.

Seriously, do I need Time, Newsweek, Wired, Spin, Micro Computer, Mini Computer (blah, blah, blah)? No, all I need is this lamp, phone book, chair...(Steve Martin from The Jerk).

All I really need is my weekly TV Guide and the mother fuckin' of all mother fuckin' magazines since man-kind...Entertainment Weekly! EW ROCKS!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Beer Is Always My Friend

Didn't do too much today. Tried to lay in the pool but that stupid fly kept bothering me. Had to read my "Entertainment Tonight" on the patio. Then the stupid mosquitos were attacking me.

I finally left and went to O'Chuck's. Rick wasn't there but I talked to my latest buddy, Nick...a 23 year old. Same age as my youngest. But, I love bull-shitting with this kid.

Paul just saw my headline up above and had to share with him the "Beer" song by Asylum Street Spankers. Needless to say, he laughed his ass off.

That's it for tonight. Goodnight kids. Love ya 'all!

Hey Blog Comment Spammers - FUCK OFF!

Yeah, I'm talking to you: blogps3!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Sitting Here Watching The News On My Kick-Ass Computer

Had to take my boss for a prostate biopsy today. Dropped him off and took the server down to Debco and then got a duplicate title for my Altima I gave to Steve last night. Then had to sit in the waiting room for another two and a half hours. Played a bunch of video poker on the trusty PocketPC and then realized I was so hungry...I almost ate my hand.

Then the nurse came out and took me back to be with my boss. How fuckin' weird is that? I really didn't want to go and see him in a hospital gown. She asked, "Are you family?" I replied, "No I'm an employee, should I be back here?" She said, "Somebody has to listen to the instructions and sign him out."

So I made the treck back following the grey arrows to recovery. There he was in his little gown and blue slipper sock thingies with the traction thingies on the bottom. Shit, I was embarrassed. And, he probably was too. What a pain in the ass this guy is! The nurse offered him a drink and he wanted a Harvey Wallbanger. She said, "Seriously, what do you want?" He said, "Seriously, I want a Harvey Wallbanger."

Anyway, I felt very awkward sitting there with my boss. But he is fuckin' hilarious. Just killed them all with his stupid little jokes. Like, "That thing they stuck up my ass was the size of a baseball bat."

OK, kids, stopping now with the TMI bullshit.

The best thing that happened was he took me to Perkins for lunch or breakfast or whatever. I had two eggs over medium, hash brown casserole, geotta and pancakes! Yup, my belly was full!

But, the important things I dropped on him (besides needing a raise - too much of a pussy to discuss that). I told him when we get that server back, somebody had to install it besides me. My technology knowledge isn't shit anymore! Yup, I can (sometimes) rank in the search engines. But have I kept up on computer technology lately? Um, no.

Then I dropped on him I'm going back to Las Vegas in November for the WebMasterWorld Conference.

All's good in the neighborhood.

P.S. I had a good swim tonight and didn't drown.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

We Got In The Gambling Portal Place!

Been waiting 3-4 months for acceptance and it finally happened today. Of course, I'm already popping my mouth off and disagreeing with folks. Whatever, too much misinformation on the Internet.

Hung out with Bev and Mike tonight. And we sang "Safety Dance" and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Too much fun. Why in the hell is Mike married? He's so cute and has the greatest laugh ever.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Jeeebus Replied To My Email!

Here it is:

"My newest Jeeebevangelist Rochelle

Sorry for the delay in replying.

Thank you for letting me know you and your friends laughed at my various reincarnations. With all the shit going on in the world today
- my Dad sometimes gets hiccups and misses things - it's good to be able to laugh one's ass off... which is exactly why most people kneel when they pray, because it's too painful to sit down.

Your picture was very good. I will ask my earthbound web guru dude to consider it next time he does an update to the site, however I seem to remember I have already been cast in less-than-favorable light given the proximity of the Hustler store?

I am sure there are many Jeeebus lovers who would find that t-shirt a blessing. To save them placing a 'lonely hearts' ad in the classifieds.

Yours blasphemously
The Big Jeeb

The letter you sent us has been read and translated in my presence. [Ezra 4:18]

Monday, August 01, 2005

Hung Out With The Kids Tonight

We met at Home Depot. Time to start thinking about remodeling the house. I think we came up with some good ideas. Downstairs is going to have to be ceramic tile because of the leak when it rains heavily. Think I know what we're going to do with the bathroom upstairs. And, eventually, try to squeeze a bathroom in downstairs where I will be moving.

Then we went to Jungle Jim's and picked up Tilapia and grilled it with my special lemon sauce (that I completely forgot about, but winged it). A very nice evening.

On another good note, Chez is in heat again so obviously she's not pregnant. Have to get that kitty fixed one of these days!